When I performed acoustic instruments I always wanted to play better, and it was always easier to identify areas for improvement than it was to actually improve. There was, in fact, no such thing as “good enough” in any specific aspect of performance. Better tone! Better control! More confidence! Better understanding of jazz chords! That cool frame drum finger technique I saw in some YouTube videos! More stamina! Better oodaiko technique! Wrapping my extremely confused brain around taiko choreography!
It’s easy to feel inadequate and frustrated that way, and maybe hard to keep yourself motivated in the long term.
Across the… 33 years or so now that I’ve been making electronic music in one form or another, I’ve never had these sorts of feelings with it. There’s not a long list of things I am bad at – okay, there is, but most of those don’t actually matter because I can do other things well. Really, it was mostly exploration and play and experiments. Some experiments fail, and that’s okay. Sometimes failure is better than success anyway.
Part of that, I’m sure, is not having a specific destination. Even though I’ve found the mythical “My Sound”, it is fluid and mine by definition. When I make music, I follow the sound, my curiosity, whim, habits, knowledge, emotions, aesthetics, and luck. I follow it like it’s a riverbed and I’m the water; sometimes my following it causes it to change but that’s okay. Path of least resistance, Tao, etc.
What I’m not doing is following lines someone else drew on a map – I’m not trying to make, say, Detroit techno. If I did that, I’m sure I’d have a whole list of things that I had to do better to not embarrass myself, and I might get discouraged.
I’m not saying there’s no struggle. While I can sit down in my little studio corner and make music pretty easily, it’s only been in the last couple of years that like I had developed discipline, flow and a stylistic focus I can stay with (and thus no longer feeling like kind of a fraud or amateur). And I still get consumed by self-doubt or GAS at times, and there are whole related disciplines that I wonder if I should get into and fear I would get lost in (like serious DSP, building instruments, live performance etc.).