When I performed acoustic instruments I always wanted to play better, and it was always easier to identify areas for improvement than it was to actually improve. There was, in fact, no such thing as āgood enoughā in any specific aspect of performance. Better tone! Better control! More confidence! Better understanding of jazz chords! That cool frame drum finger technique I saw in some YouTube videos! More stamina! Better oodaiko technique! Wrapping my extremely confused brain around taiko choreography!
Itās easy to feel inadequate and frustrated that way, and maybe hard to keep yourself motivated in the long term.
Across the⦠33 years or so now that Iāve been making electronic music in one form or another, Iāve never had these sorts of feelings with it. Thereās not a long list of things I am bad at ā okay, there is, but most of those donāt actually matter because I can do other things well. Really, it was mostly exploration and play and experiments. Some experiments fail, and thatās okay. Sometimes failure is better than success anyway.
Part of that, Iām sure, is not having a specific destination. Even though Iāve found the mythical āMy Soundā, it is fluid and mine by definition. When I make music, I follow the sound, my curiosity, whim, habits, knowledge, emotions, aesthetics, and luck. I follow it like itās a riverbed and Iām the water; sometimes my following it causes it to change but thatās okay. Path of least resistance, Tao, etc.
What Iām not doing is following lines someone else drew on a map ā Iām not trying to make, say, Detroit techno. If I did that, Iām sure Iād have a whole list of things that I had to do better to not embarrass myself, and I might get discouraged.
Iām not saying thereās no struggle. While I can sit down in my little studio corner and make music pretty easily, itās only been in the last couple of years that like I had developed discipline, flow and a stylistic focus I can stay with (and thus no longer feeling like kind of a fraud or amateur). And I still get consumed by self-doubt or GAS at times, and there are whole related disciplines that I wonder if I should get into and fear I would get lost in (like serious DSP, building instruments, live performance etc.).