The news story is from the June 29, 2019 print edition of the Chicago Tribune. I looked through both major Chicago papers with the goal of finding something that was locally-reported, avoiding the crime stories. I also skipped a couple other possibilities that opened with very short sentences or fragments. The online version of this story is somewhat different, having been posted earlier and in the future tense, describing an upcoming visit.
After several frustrating attempts at generating a satisfactory computer-voiced version, I recorded myself in the best faux-newscaster voice I could. (The unaltered reading is appended at the end for comparison or curiosity.)
The alterations to the voice are fuzz distortion, wah filter and delay.
“Drums” are from the Xpand! plugin, played manually through a MIDI keyboard. Not quantized. I set the tempo to match my natural vocal rhythm in the first few syllables.
Other instruments are from my Prophet Rev2.
Tonal instruments are tuned to Kraig Grady’s centaur 7-limit just intonation: http://www.anaphoria.com/centaur.html