#150

There’s a surprising amount of guilt and dread in this topic - dare I say, even self-loathing. Here’s how I’ve learned to cope with this a little bit over the years without hating myself, feeling guilt about watching videos of gear, or worrying about money spent constantly.
I never, ever have all my gear out at once. I have a small storage locker(4x5x6) and I rotate gear in/out of the studio, typically on about a 6mo cadence. When I get the thing out, I’ve often forgotten how to use it, or it feels new. As I start to learn how to use it again, I feel like a genius because it comes very easy - I’m remembering it, but also viewing it with fresh eyes and expanding my skills with it a bit. I feel guilt or anxiety about using a piece to the fullest…but only if it’s out and plugged up. I don’t actually think this is guilt or anxiety, I think it’s overchoice and frustration. To solve that, I just reduced the size of my setup until I didn’t have the problem. I also have no problems deciding what to sell - if I put something in storage for 6mo and I still don’t want to use it, that’s a no-brainer.
It’s also helped me a ton to spend time learning technique and ideas rather than consuming product marketing materials. Most of us go to “gear” as a shortcut for picking these things up - learning techniques and ideas has been much more rewarding and productive, but the information is much harder to find!

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#151

This plagues me as well. I have anxiety and a bit of OCD as well and when I go down these rabbit holes its very distracting and not healthy. I think the problem I have when I’m looking at a new piece of gear is that I look at it like this new thing will ‘solve a problem’ or just ‘make my setup perfect’. I tend to assign this level of wholeness or completeness that will be attributed to a new piece of gear. Because I’m not outright buying a ton of new stuff - I have to sell to make up for new losses in general - I have a tendency to assign an emotional value on an inanimate object. This is good in one sense because it allows me to easily get rid of things that aren’t serving their purpose to me, however, when researching that next thing that comes in, it creates anxiety because I’m looking to make it perfect I think. I tend to overanalyze the pro’s and cons to the point where it becomes consuming.

This got really bad in the guitar realm, right before I got into euro. Weirdly, even though I was buying and selling a lot at the beginning of the euro journey, I was making a lot of music on the onset. I think it was all so new and I wasn’t being picky, I was just getting my hands on things to check them out. What’s happened in the last few months is that as I’m understanding how everything works and deciding on what I really want to say with modular, I’m reverting to this extremely obsessive nature. Its definitely caused my productive nature to diminish. With guitar I used to audition pieces of gear and obsess about minutiae of ‘tone’ characteristics and now I feel myself doing this as well with eurorack.

The solution… I don’t know, I don’t have answers. I think it partially feels good to obsess at first, then it doesn’t. I think I need to stop looking at sites like Reverb and perusing their daily Eurorack feed for new things to help curb the spike of adrenaline you get from a new thought of potential new gear hunt. I think I need to set a realistic ban on myself from acquiring new things for a certain time. Perhaps starting at one month will be reasonable. I think I need to read more too, I have a tendency to think too much about making music when I’m not making and I need curb that a little.

3 Likes
#152

Well said! + 20 chars long

#153

So I know a lot has been written about Euro©rack and G.A.S. (Gear Acquistion Syndrome). We all know how dangerous this can be. But, I’m experiencing a slightly different form of neurosis with Eurorack gear where the endlessly open nature, and lack of boundaries is really triggering some obsessive tendecies with me in a way that I’m finding is not healthy. Let me precede this by saying that I have anxiety, some depression, and some mild OCD as well, but I’m currently on medication and feeling pretty good in general.

What I’m noticing is happening in regards to the gear is that I have this innate desire to make a ‘perfect’ system, something that ‘feels right’ and checks all of these functional boxes in my head. Its not about the lust for the gear itself per se, because I get rid of stuff right away that I don’t like. I don’t like keeping stuff around that isn’t serving a purpose for me. Its about trying to solve this never ending puzzle in my head to find the gear that does exactly what it needs for me in the perfect way. In Eurorack this becomes maddening because there are too many options, and there is potentially always a new piece of gear that does something ‘better’. Then when you factor in the open endedness of how these modules are mounted and oriented, it gets out of control.

For example, I’ve realized I’ve spent dozens of hours on ModularGrid reorganizing the same 20 or modules in every concievable way, thinking of how easy a module is to access, how the signal flow may work, how the patch cables may lay for a typical patch. I also have some woodworking skills, so I build my own cases, and I’m not confined by any particular case and this makes it even worse. Recently my current case became too small with the purchase of new module and that sent me into a spiral that has caused this self reflection. I’ve spent the last two weeks in a fury building a new case, then realizing I don’t like it, then going back to old case, which I don’t totally love. I’ve probably pulled out the modules and reorganized them a dozen times in these various cases. The worst part of all of this is that its triggering these endless obsessive/anxiety loops in my head that cause me to start to blur out other stuff such spending quality time with my family.

One would easily say, just sell it all, and move on… The upside is that I’ve made some music that I really like with this gear. Aside from these bouts of perfectionism, I’ve actually been the most creative I’ve been in a long time with the gear. What I’m really wondering is that if I should move to closed system? Should I just sell it all and get a Music Easel? I think having stronger boundaries for me is something I might need to put in place. Anyone been the same predicament? I really like tactile analog gear so I want to stay in that realm but IDK if Euro is doing it for me anymore.

PS: It looks like this post, which was the start of a new thread was merged with this GAS thread. I just realized I had posted in this GAS thread a while back with pretty much the same issue. Wow, there is some self-reflection to be had seeing yourself in repetition like that.

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#154

Try resisting the urge to change things. Just stick with it. It really is that simple.

Give it 3 months. The first month will be painful. During the second month you’ll start to see advantages to your static configuration you didn’t see before. During the third month you’ll start to understand that you are forming muscle memory and building habits you wouldn’t have had if you were rearranging things again.

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#155

I noticed that the less time I spent making music the more I think about gear/setting it up/buying new things etc. So my advice would be every time when you get an urge to open modular grid power up the rack instead and start playing. To do so it is best to have a small dedicated space for gear so you don’t have to connect things before playing.
But of course focusing on single instrument (like the music easel you mentioned) is also a valid choice. People spend a whole lifetime mastering one instrument while we modular users rebuild our instruments almost every day :wink:

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#156

This is a widespread problem. Just stop doing that. Start trying to make sounds with your system. Instead of obsessing over equipment, start thinking about what kind of art you can make with the sounds you have. Focus on sounds instead of patches or modules.

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#157

It sounds like you’re having some trouble with OCD/Anxiety that’s keeping you stuck in some loops, I can relate!

I find it’s helpful to have a ritual before sitting down and experimenting. I grab a drink, sit up straight, light a candle, breath into my Hara a couple times then just give myself 15-30 minutes to do whatever… It doesn’t have to make sense…

That’s usually enough time for me to get into a sort of flow state which informs the rest of my practice, it’s great for letting go of obsessive thoughts, you just have to break through that initial anxiety.

Don’t sell anything, don’t buy anything new, you have everything you need… New gear/novelty wont ultimately resolve the anxiety that’s driving you around in circles.

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#158

This is why a lot of people get out of eurorack and I think most people spend hours on the grid reconfiguring.

I think the solution is to get standalone hardware or cut things down to a single manufacturer to reduce the endless choices. One of the reasons I like the idea of single Serge panels as they are still modular but not endlessly reconfigurable.

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#159

Easier said than done. I’ve already made hundreds of hours of stuff, so its not what I can make as much as how I’m making it. But I agree.

#160

Yeah I needed to hear this.

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#161

I still remember the moment my friend said to me “There’s no perfect camera.” Sub out “camera” for literally anything. Accepting this as a given about all tools/setups has made me so much less worried about a purchase or about keeping up with what’s new. I’m able to create with what I have, I make changes when I’m quite sure something will have more long term positives than negatives, and I try to enjoy both processes.

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#162

but youtube keeps suggesting videos about other cameras!! ;_;

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#163

Aside from the answers you’ve already gotten, a thing I haven’t seen suggested is investigating your social media usage.
I’ve definitely noticed a shift in how much I think about gear I don’t already have when I don’t as actively follow gear news, reviews or marketing. Perhaps that comes with some sacrifices that are hard to make, it really depends on you.

I would also echo @jasonw22’s statement about not rearranging your modules.

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#164

This really resonates with me. My solution was to rearrange my setup into a Make Noise Shared System. It’s a timeless design, sounds really good, and provides a lifetime of patchability. It gives me a fun and deep modular synth that I can play shows with solely (one in the bag already actually!), but it also gives me a great effects processor and sampler section to use with other gear. It’s a complete instrument that plays nicely with other instruments. I don’t have GAS for any eurorack stuff at this time. I’ve decided to keep this configuration for at least a year before altering anything.

Unfortunately now I’m jonesing for non-Eurorack stuff. I’m really interested in keyboard synths and desktop poly modules and guitar pedals again.

Fortunately a lot of that stuff is cheaper than a lot of euro stuff :grin:

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#165

I was actually thinking about the Shared System. I already have probably half of the modules anyway. LOL. Another thing I hadn’t mentioned in my post was that I really despise how every module in Euro has a different aesthetic and I think this would be nice to have a unified system. The one thing that I can forsee about going the route of the Easel is that I’d be missing the functionality of a lot of things I have in Euro and its way more expensive in the Buchla realm. I feel like the shared system would be a great place to be. This is good to hear.

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#166

I started this journey with an 0-Coast (just under a year and a half ago, jeez what a ride!) so Make Noise has always had a special place in my heart. It’s worth noting that my whole top row are silver modules. I saved a ton of money (literally thousands) with this approach. The aesthetic is still cohesive, but but quite like a true b&g. I also feel like it’s a very cool day to understand layout, so it will be more inviting when I show friends who are foreign to modular how to patch.

I guess my main issue is now that my eurorack “instrument” is complete, I’m thinking about other instruments that I skipped on this weird journey.

1 Like
#167

I found that once I grew my modular to a certain size, I had what I need to make almost any patch I can think of. If you focus on musical outcomes instead of technical processes, eventually you have most of what you need.

#168

I have swapped out a LOT of modules in the 3 years I’ve been doing this. I own 342HP, but have sold 1034HP of modules – half of those in 2019. I feel like that was mostly a good path for me to take because of everything I learned on the way…

But a few months ago I realized: I was very pleased with the music I was making, and knew very well what I liked in terms of workflow and sound – but my gear strategy was still stuck in “explorer mode” and that I’d been compromising other values for that.

So I made another couple of rounds of trades to get everything aligned. Things have settled pretty well, and I expect I’ll write “no major music gear changes” into my goals list for 2020.

I have very few regrets about all that exploring though; without that I probably wouldn’t have found a comfortable place to settle and put down roots :slight_smile:

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#169

I’ve also felt the tyranny of choice affect my experiences with modular. I had built a case which I’ve now sold which had lots of room for new modules. I would never use them all and would always gravitate to the same ones when I sat down to patch.

Now I have a few complete “systems” like the WR system in a make noise skiff and the ieaskul f mobenthey system in a frap tools case. It feels good to have the system as a constraint, as I suppose in the end the choices which modular made possible were too much for me.

2 Likes