I find much that resonates on both sides of the debate. But for me it’s about more than ‘enjoyment vs.’ hard work’.
First, making music is a necessity and I’m not sure ‘enjoyment’ captures that. Even the flow state isn’t simply characterized by enjoyment, and is far less an empty ‘psychological’ abstraction – for me it has always a specific content and thus presents itself as a moment of truth, which is the ground of the necessity. The compulsion to be in the truth. Making music opens the way. Even in this truth I’m not sure I experience enjoyment exactly, at its best it’s a feeling of coming home, a temporary relief from an everyday dysphoric consciousness in which I’m cut off from this ‘home’ – but there are definitely things to confront there, even horror in some parts.
Second – the process of releasing music is hence one of exposing this truth to others. This suggests difficulties beyond that of simply putting in the time, working hard, developing and exercising business skills. It’s facing the raw pain of exposure. Especially when one knows what has been said. So this is a pain that cannot be quantified in terms of time spent or other indicators of ‘hard work’.
And there is pain on either side of the dilemma – do I present this just as it is, as many artists (but not myself) are privileged to do, or do I conceal its origin (as was the path of someone else I know from ‘the community’). There is pain thus either in a direct or oblique expression. And then there is the question of reward. Reward is perhaps getting to tell my own story instead of letting all the tabloids do it for me – which in turn may help others tell their own stories. But I am not deluded as to the significance of my powers. Quite likely, one person’s voice is simply lost and otherwise well-meaning listeners will simply project the tabloid frameworks back onto my work, which not only hurts me, it can also hurt others. The second approach, to work covertly, also seems to have few rewards. In the example I indicated, the concealed origin means that the work is simply absorbed into other things. So this music is ‘enjoyed’, but it’s unclear how much this oblique approach helps others live openly in their own truth, especially when there isn’t even an esoteric path with symbols which communicate internally. Such ‘passing’ (for that’s what this is) can then resemble not releasing anything in the first place.
So right now – absent ‘strength in numbers’ that would help mitigate the pain of exposure, and also absent willingness to ‘pass’, I settle for making the music but not sharing it. And I don’t think learning business skills or putting in more work resolves any of the problems.
