(continuing the discussion from New beginnings: proun press)
very excited to be sharing some new sounds, facilitated by the beautiful geniuses of proun press. pre-orders have already begun and there were 25 tapes available (which have now sold !! ?? wild.) and we are in the process of putting together a second run of 25.
the bandcamp page has some writing about the stuff used to make the sounds, so no need to double-post what’s there. I’d like to share some other thoughts, though, if you’re interested.
I’ll pull the start and go from there:
// a group […] related to each other less closely than those forming a family, especially one in which the relationships are disputed or unclear.
when I recount a painful family experience, a particular brand of imposter syndrome takes hold. as I point to invisible scars, it feels necessary to add emphasis to certain facets, depending on who’s listening. I’m always worried that I’m somehow both blowing things out of proportion and completely downplaying.
the thing is that it’s never about how painful a particular experience was. it’s never about the memory of a single altercation. it’s about the years of work involved in normalizing these moments because it was essential to protect your understanding of these adults as caretakers.
ultimately, it’s a survival technique – to confuse and re-interpret what’s happening as love. a necessary cognitive dissonance to keep things stable.
since removing myself from my biological family, guilt and fear and anger slowly stopped being baseline requirements in my relationships. through this process, I have found others for whom this orientation is no longer default. some have had to discover this on their own, others had exceptional adults around them (who, for sure, still had their flaws + caused their own traumas) – but all have found a way of operating in this world with as much empathy as possible.
we make room for each other. we watch with kindness. we listen when the other tells us what they need. we care for ourselves the best we can + try to ask only for what is reasonable to provide.
that ‘phylum’ definition up top applies to both sides – the people you’re born into and the people you choose. family doesn’t have to be the former, even if it should, even though we so deeply want it to be true.
ultimately, family is a warm + healing word, completely free to use how you see fit.
there is blessing in alignment, there is blessing in departure.
thank you for reading + listening